Flash forward two years to now, and it’s taken met yet again an entire year to write out my second birth story. Not because reliving the trauma was too painful like it had been before, but because finding the words for the most beautiful and redemptive day of my life, has felt like an impossible task! I’ve spent a year pinching myself that my birth dreams came true and questioning my word’s ability to ever adequately describe just how much that day meant to me.

I’ve also decided to share Oliver’s birth story exactly as I have written it for myself (minus many photos) — the good, the hard, the nitty gritty. I purposefully edited parts of Henry’s birth story from my personal copy, either because emotionally some details felt safest only in my heart or because I felt intimidated to share some of the more graphic and vulnerable parts of birth. I mean, the internet isn’t exactly an intimate, non-judgemental place, ha!

But if I’ve learned anything about birth and motherhood in the last 3 years — it’s that it’s full of vulnerable and graphic moments. And I’ve grown to see it as a disservice to my absolute favorite job in the world to not share all parts equally. Or to shy away from sharing my story in fear of offending/disturbing someone else. There are also many paths to bringing children into the world, and while I’m fully aware that my desires for giving birth may not be everyone’s first preference, I think there’s value in women (especially future mamas) knowing what birth is truly like. Value in women knowing all of their options. Value in women feeling secure to share their experiences, in hopes of instilling a confidence, crushing a fear, or sparking an idea or question for someone else.

If you do not join me in valuing those things, this is where I would respectfully ask you stop reading………

March 13th, 2021

It was the 2nd weekend in March, I was 36 weeks pregnant, and I had spent the first part of the weekend at a women’s conference at a local church. I met so many new women in those 2 days, every single one of them oo-ing and ah-ing over my “very low” belly. Their excitement and remembrance of their own pregnancies/birth made me happy. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure we will be meeting this little guy before his due date! (April 6)” I repeatedly said with an un-wipeable smile.

I came home from the conference feeling so inspired and convicted in my walk with the Lord and in my role as an (almost) mother of two. While riding that same high, we decided to see if our neighbors (that we had just met the week before) would want to meet at a local greenspace for dinner that evening. It felt a little bit like a nervous ask, as we barely knew each other. But with the little to no community we still had in Virginia, we were really excited about getting to know them (and their two young boys) better.

They happily accepted our request (phew!) and we had such a fun night, eating pizza on the turf, letting our boys run wild together, and even ending the night at their favorite hot chocolate spot. It felt like we talked about everything under the sun, but of course there was a lot of natural conversation surrounding the subsequent birth we were only a few weeks from. They were so intrigued and supportive of our plans to birth at home, even commenting that if we needed somewhere for Henry to go during it, they would be willing to watch him. “That’s really kind of you, if [Oliver] decides it’s “go time” before my mom flies into town, we will let you know!”, we replied through naive laughter. We got home, put Henry to bed an hour later than usual, and quickly fell into bed ourselves, both feeling so thankful for this new and quickly blossomed friendship.

March 14th, 2021

Around 3:00 AM, they were still coming, and were now accompanied by an unsettled stomach. “Hm, that’s weird. Maybe that (rare) hot chocolate was too rich for me?”, I thought. While this was almost exactly how Henry’s birth began, even to the hour, I was in denial that this could be real labor. I mean, I was 36 weeks. I felt sure he was coming early, but not THIS early.

One of the staff midwives, Sharon, answered. I shared with her that I thought I might be in labor and I was anxious about what that meant since I was only 36 weeks. Without hesitation she said she saw no problem in overlooking that rule, as I was only a few days away from the typical 37 week window — and especially because I had been considered extremely low risk my whole pregnancy. Exhale.

Thank you, Lord.

“BUT…” she continued, “I want to let you know that I actually have 2 other moms on call ahead of you, soooo I might need to call our backup midwife, Shawna“. My eyes immediately started to water and I quickly covered my mouth to stop myself from rudely screaming in excitement. We hung up and I looked up to heaven.

Thank you, Lord.

By 7:00 AM, the contractions were now coming every 10 minutes. My phone lit up. It was Shawna calling: “Hi! I hear we might be seeing each other today….”, she said in a calm yet excited tone. I was still in disbelief. She suggested we go ahead and get the birth space ready just in case, rest if and when possible, and keep her updated.

Rest?! Ha! William and I both popped out of bed to begin transforming our room. While I had everything somewhat prepped, there were obviously a few more things we had planned on doing in the final weeks. By this time, Henry was up and he was excited to “help” us get ready for baby brother. William moved my dresser out of way and blew up the birthing tub. And I got the supplies all set out and organized, while mentally and emotionally trying to shift gears. Is this really happening today?!

The 3 of us ate breakfast together and prepared to watch church online, as we now knew we probably weren’t making it in person. My mom FaceTimed us, as she usually does on Sunday mornings. I updated her on our full weekend, the women’s conference, the great night out with our new neighbors….. but never mentioned the fact that I thought I might be in labor. I even had 2 contractions while we were chatting and was able to keep a straight face!

This part of the story is usually the most surprising to those that have heard it, ha! But early in this pregnancy, there were many intentions and boundaries William and I talked through and set, based on what we felt we learned or gained from Henry's birth experience. One of those boundaries was making the tough decision to not share with our family when I was in labor. Not because we didn't want them to know or because we didn't feel we could use the extra prayers. But because when you're giving birth differently than people want (whether they admit that or not), the extra commotion, questions, concerns, need for updates, etc can become really, really distracting. And the people pleaser in me quite literally needed this day to feel quiet. I wanted to walk into motherhood (again) at peace with our personal choices, and not worrying about how those choices were making others feel.

At 10:00 AM, my body was still clearing out. And there was even a little bit of blood. A good sign!

It was a beautiful, sunny morning so we decided to get dressed and go on a walk around our neighborhood. William snapped a photo. Would this really be our last walk without Oliver earthside?

By 12:30 PM, things seemed to have slowed down. I made us all lunch and we put Henry down for a nap. I was hopeful that with him asleep, I would begin to progress more. But not before figuring out a back up plan for where he would go if needed….

I desperately texted our new neighbors (that we had just been out with the night before), "You’re going to think I’m crazy but I think I'm in early labor!! We are just taking it easy for now and trying to have a ‘normal’ day but if things start to pick up I was wondering what you had going on today... and if you had room for one more?"

They were immediately excited and overly willing to take Henry in if necessary. Phew.

Thank you, Lord.

Around 2:30 PM, Henry had been napping for a little over an hour and I wasn’t sure much had changed. I updated Shawna: “Contractions still pretty inconsistent… usually every 10-20 min (lasting about 30 sec each). I notice they definitely come quicker and harder if I’m not sitting/laying. And the pressure on my bum is constant now (not just during contractions).” She felt encouraged by the (albeit, slow) progress and especially that there had been a little bit of blood. She recommended I try a “Miles Circuit“, which I immediately googled and decided to give a go.

At this point, William decided he didn’t want to ‘waste’ a beautiful day and went outside to wash the cars while I did the circuit. He had started to doubt that this was the real thing. And in his defense, I still wasn’t fully convinced either. I think we were both so afraid of getting our hopes up or getting ahead of ourselves based on Henry’s lengthy birth.

By 4:00 PM, I had just finished the last part of the circuit and immediately had more of the “bloody show”. My contractions were starting to last longer but they were still inconsistent and not noticeably any stronger. While there was proof of progress, this is the point where I started to get emotional. Henry was now awake from his nap, it felt like the day was quickly on it’s way out, and I was starting to have negative flashbacks to his birth. I was starting to feel anxious that I would yet again be laboring for days. That maybe this is just how my body labors. That maybe “the second one always comes faster” just wouldn’t be true for me.

The days already felt eerily similar. It was another sunny March day, I woke up in the middle of the night to diarrhea, we rushed to get the space ready in the morning, only to have everything slow down by lunch, inconsistently and slowly progressed the entire first day, and I was even wearing the exact same shirt! …. The main differences were that we were in a different country/home and we hadn’t rushed our birth team over yet (another very intentional decision learned from the past). I kept repeating to myself over and over: “This is Oliver’s birth. Not Henry’s birth. This is Oliver’s birth. Not Henry’s birth”.

I felt emotionally weak and decided to call our doula. I was bouncing on a yoga ball, holding back tears, and wanted her genuine opinion on this being false vs. real labor. She was calm and encouraging, reminding me of many truths about birth. It’s unpredictable. It can be inconsistent. It can be slow.

Within the hour, at almost 5:00 PM, the constant back pressure was now hard to ignore. And my contractions were finally getting stronger and longer. We updated our birth team and they suggested they start making their way over to our house (as they all lived about an hour away). At first, we were surprised and hesitant to agree. We still felt so far from the end and our fears from Henry’s birth were still trying their best to get in the way…

I took a deep breath. Said a prayer. And joyfully replied, “Let’s do this!”

William started filling up the tub and I nervously started packing Henry’s diaper bag. While I wasn’t opposed to him being present, we decided it would be best for everyone if we took our neighbors up on their offer. He could happily play with his new friends for a few hours until bedtime and we would be able to fully focus as the birth team arrived. Everyone wins. We felt extremely optimistic and excited that Henry was most likely going to wake up tomorrow morning and run into our room to meet his baby brother!

The birth space was officially all set and the 3 of us spent a few minutes group hugging and praying together. Worship music was playing in the back ground as we did our best to explain to our just turned 2 year old what was about to happen. I kept crying, stroking and kissing Henry, as I continued to allow myself to find comfort in the change of plans. And accept that the weeks I thought I had left with him as my only child had now dwindled into a day… or maybe even hours?

We walked 5 houses down, each of us holding one of his hands. My contractions still actively coming. William and I making emotional yet peaceful glances at each other over his innocent little footsteps. Their whole family eagerly met us outside, as we all joked about what a crazy turn of events this has been, and how much of a God thing their timing in friendship was. We hugged Henry goodbye, thanked them again, and said we would just plan for William to walk back down and grab him before bedtime.

Hand in hand, William and I very slowly walked back home. I had 2 more contractions on the way.

Moment later, at 5:30 PM, our nurse, Liane, was the first of the team to arrive. I took another deep breath as I saw her get out of the car. There was something so undeniable about someone else now joining us. We had met Liane one time previously but obviously we didn’t know each other super well. We made small talk in the foyer as she unloaded her bags and I quickly gave her a tour of our space. Knowing how much my labor slowed down when Henry’s brith team arrived (due to my natural tendencies to want to host), I decided to separate myself to keep my head “in the game”…

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to go take a shower while you get set up“. “Of course! You do whatever you need to do!“, she responded.

This was the mental turning point for me. I knew there were more hours in the day behind us than there were ahead of us. Henry was now taken care of. And our whole birth team would soon be here. I knew I needed to focus and prepare my mind for the house the feel full — to GIVE BIRTH — and to fully believe that the outcome would look different than it did 2 years ago. I was so close to meeting Oliver, while simultaneously living out a decade long dream.

It felt SO good to have the hot shower water hitting my back. I could hear the excited chatter coming from the other room. Ah, everyone was here now. My tears started flowing again. I was soaking up a few more minutes of alone time, praying out loud through the contractions. Begging the Lord for this to not be “fake”, for them to not all show up and be on “house arrest”, or worse, have to leave and come back later. I asked Him to give me supernatural peace and ability to focus, to not host, to allow myself to be taken care of. And above all, I told Him I trust Him with this story. I trust Him with the outcome. I trust Him with my life. And I trust Him with Oliver’s life too.

I got out of the shower and was slowly greeted by our wonderful team. I felt peace enter our home when they did. And I felt ready to share in this special evening with them.

Around 6:30 PM, everyone was settled in, Liane took my vitals, Shawna checked on Oliver, and then (as I had intently requested), checked my cervix.

This was something I declined in pregnancy and labor with Henry, because I didn't find it necessary. I felt sure I would innately know how far along I was once I was in labor. But I knew my body better this time around. And I knew someone telling me what I dilated to was important to me.

I laid back on our bed, the last hour of sun still pouring in, everyone somewhat (naturally) crowded around. The pressure in my rear almost unbearable now in this position. Yet I almost simultaneously couldn’t notice, as it felt like I was awaiting a huge moment of truth.

Within a couple of seconds of her checking, she started chuckling. “You want me to tell you?”, she said through a smirk. I shook my head, “mhm!“. “You’re 9 cm dilated… I can feel his head right here. Honestly, I’m not sure how you aren’t pushing right now!” I immediately broke out into joyful, overwhelmed tears. It felt like the whole room did! I kept chanting through an ugly cry, “thank you, thank you!” to Shawna, as she felt like the bearer of really GREAT news, but really to the Lord, who had been surprising me in the sweetest ways all day.

We were honestly shocked. And beyond relieved. I truly had no idea we were so close.

This is it! Today IS the day. The confirmation was invigorating.

William, Shawna and Liane began to finish filling/warming up the tub in our room, while I hid away in the bathroom with our doula, Stevie. My contractions were picking up while sitting on the toilet with my feet propped up on a stool. She encouraged me to turn around, facing backwards, which brought them on even stronger. I was surprisingly able to rest in-between them but I found myself having a hard time fully releasing myself into the actual contractions. I felt SO safe and comfortable at home (and with Stevie there), but I could tell my body was physically holding back.

The sun had now completely set as I continued to work through the waves with Stevie by my side. I could hear that our photographer, Kate, had arrived and I was proud of myself for not letting my focus stray to greet her. I was leaning over our bathroom sink, swaying back and forth, and suddenly I realized what the hold up was — I no longer felt safe in that spot. I felt vulnerable that if I fully released with the contraction, he might just fall out right there on the bathroom floor! I communicated these fears to Stevie and asked if she thought I could now move to the tub.

She helped me make my way over and in while Liane checked both of our heart rates. They were afraid the water wasn’t warm enough yet, but I’m not sure I’ve ever felt anything better in my life. I leaned back to relax and couldn’t believe how quickly the pressure on my back just seemed to slip away. I felt so light, so secure.

Within less than a minute of settling into the water, I felt another contraction coming and it literally forced me to quickly flip over onto my knees. My body knew exactly the position it wanted to be in. And there on all fours, I felt my body and brain uncontrollably release together, followed by a contraction so strong (and a moan so loud) it caused the whole team to make their way back into the room.

William was now kneeled in front of me, the brunt of my embrace, Stevie and Liane by my sides, and Shawna behind, all offering support in their own ways. They were perfectly present and I felt 100% supported. Shawna voiced that I was stretching beautifully, that she could feel his head right there, and that if I felt comfortable, I could try pushing some. I reached down and could feel his head too. Similarly to Henry’s birth, I never got the famous “urge to push” or experienced the “Fetal Ejection Reflex”. But I knew he was right there and they pressure was undeniable! And so with the next contraction, she encouraged me to lean into it. Not in a demanding or forceful way, but in a peaceful, teachable, when you’re ready kind of way. I began to breathe while intentionally bearing down, almost as if I was trying to learn and understand the sensation for the first time. This is one of my favorite parts of unmedicated birth. You can literally feel what your body is doing and how you and your baby are working together. Amazing!

We were able to add my sister into the call and of course began filling them both in on all of the details and answering their non-stop questions.

While thoroughly enjoying the chaos, Shawna began performing Oliver’s newborn exam — to which they got to be virtually a part of. We all started throwing out guesses as to what we thought our little guy weighed. I honestly didn’t know what to think, I just knew he was a lot smaller than Henry was! Ha!

He weighed 5 lbs, 13 oz – but he was strong, alert, yet calm. It was so evident that he had entered the world peacefully. Everything checked out beautifully and he was quickly back in my arms. We continued calling all of William’s family and close friends, as we fully relished in the goodness of that Sunday evening.

By 11:00 PM, less than 3 hours after Oliver was born, everything was cleaned up, the lights were dimmed, and our wonderful team came in for one last hug goodbye. They each escorted theirselves out while our photographer, Kate, lingered a bit longer to capture a few more moments of us snuggling with our newest addition.

After she left, William and I were pure giddy. Here we were at midnight, in a quiet house, with our toddler spending the night with our new neighbors a few doors down, holding the smallest baby we’ve ever held, after the most beautifully surprising day of our lives. We knew it was in our best interest to get some sleep, but we literally couldn’t! We just laid there staring at him, rehashing the entire day, the birth, the team, and God’s faithfulness through every detail. I mean who could actually go to sleep after experiencing something so wonderful?

We kept jokingly asking each other, “Can you believe they left us with him?!” We felt like first time parents all over again, only this time we were totally on our own! With an under 6 lb, 3 hour old baby!

We did all actually end up getting some sleep, Oliver successfully nursing a few times in the midst. And we woke up to the sunrise, still oozing with thanksgiving over the last 24 hours. William made us some breakfast, I got my first glorious shower, generous friends started delivering us groceries (and smaller clothes and diapers!), grandparents started rearranging their flights, and we waited eagerly for the text that Henry was wake up and for him to come home! Around 9 AM, William walked over to get him and I’ll never forget his eyes when he came through the door.

Our family of 4 was together at last. Henry was so intrigued by Oliver, he kept pointing at and naming all of his features. It was a moment in time I’ll never forget. We then got to enjoy another beautiful sunny day as a family, just this time with Oliver in our arms! We did our best to navigate those first few foggy days with 2 children… but we were so thankful for both of our moms who quickly came to our rescue.

And we’ve pretty much been learning to navigate those wonderful yet foggy, challenging yet defining moments ever since…… these truly are the days!

After Henry was born, I was afraid of getting pregnant and having to experience the distress of birth again — but ever since Oliver was born, my fear is now that I might not get to experience the wonder of birth again.

The sweetest redemption.

Thank you, thank you, Lord.

Birth Photographer: Kate Chapman Photography

Doula: Embodied Alchemy

Birth Center: Premier Birth Center